Hey you! Yeah, I’m talking to YOU.
I’ve got a newsflash for ya – if you think your partner would NEVER cheat, think again.
Hate to break it to you, but even the most trustworthy-seeming sweethearts can have a sneaky side. And boy oh boy, do cheaters know how to cover their tracks!
But never fear, my dear. Your wise big sis Sarah is here to shine a light on all those shady tricks cheaters use to hide their naughty deeds.
Buckle up, buttercup – this is gonna be a wild ride.
1. The ol’ “working late” excuse
Ahh, the classic cheater’s go-to. “Sorry babe, gotta work late again!”
Hmm, funny how their job suddenly gets SO demanding right when your relationship hits a rough patch.
Now, I’m not saying every late night at the office is a front for fooling around. But if your partner is constantly pulling overtime with no real explanation… Houston, we may have a problem.
Look out for vague excuses, inconsistent stories, and a defensive ‘tude when you ask for deets. A legit late night at work should be no biggie to explain.
2. Suddenly glued to their phone
Remember when you and your boo used to gaze into each other’s eyes for hours? Now they’re gazing into that dang phone 24/7.
When a cheater’s got something to hide, their phone becomes like an extra limb. Password protected, always face down, never leaving their sight. Heck, they probably even sleep with it under their pillow.
And if you dare to ask who they’re texting so much? Cue the dramatic eyeroll and “Ugh, you’re so controlling!” Deflecting much?
Guilty puppies will guard their phones like the dang CIA. An innocent pup has nothing to hide. You do the math.
3. “I’m washing my hair that night”
Is your partner busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest? Always booked solid with no time for little ol’ you?
Sure, we’ve all got lives outside our relationships. Healthy even! But when every attempt at couple time is met with a “Not tonight, I’m reorganizing my sock drawer”… Sketchy, sehr sketchy.
A vague or unlikely sounding excuse is often easier than admitting the harsh truth. It’s the coward’s way out. And cheaters are nothing if not cowardly.
4. Picking fights out of nowhere
Things are sailing along smoothly, then BAM! Suddenly everything you do is wrong, wrong, wrong.
They nitpick, they nag, they start fights over how you breathe too loud. WTF, right?
Well, it may be more than your partner waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Starting petty drama is a sneaky way to justify cheating.
“Oh, things are just SO bad at home, I had to seek comfort in a stranger’s arms!” Spare me the sob story.
A decent partner talks out issues like a grown-up. A cheater starts a smear campaign. Don’t get it twisted.
5. Accusing YOU of cheating
In a sickening twist of irony, some cheaters try to mask their own infidelity by pointing the finger at YOU.
“Why were you talking to that waiter so much? I bet you’re sleeping with him!” they cry, while actively juggling three side pieces.
This crazy-making behavior is called projection – they’re taking their own guilt and shame and putting it on you instead. How generous of them.
If your partner flings cheating accusations with no basis in reality, consider that they may be the guilty party. It’s a classic case of “I think, therefore you are”.
6. Forbidden friendship
“We’re just friends!” is the mating call of the wild cheater.
If your partner is weirdly cagey about a certain “pal”… red flag alert! Insisting a friendship is strictly platonic while treating it like an illicit affair? That’s some shady semantics.
An innocent friendship can withstand a little scrutiny. But a cheater will guard their “forbidden friend” with their life.
You ask to meet this mystery bestie and they act like you requested a blood sacrifice. Hellooo, overreaction!
Newsflash – friends don’t let friends cheat. A real friend supports your relationship, not sabotages it. Capiche?
7. Two phones, two lives
You ever seen someone rocking multiple phones like they’re a big-shot drug dealer?
Well, sometimes two phones means two lives. Scandalous, I know.
See, a cheater needs to keep their sidepieces separate from their main squeeze. Can’t risk a sext popping up on the fam phone!
So they designate one phone for boring ol’ you, and one for their spicy “extracurriculars”. Ugh, the audacity.
If your partner has more phones than a Best Buy, yet stutters like a fool when you ask why… you may have a two-timing telecommunications user on your hands.
8. “Guys/Girls night” is every night
Don’t get it twisted – I am ALL about maintaining your own life outside a relationship. Keeps things fresh n’ frolicsome!
But if your boo is spending more time with their buddies than with you… we may have an issue. Weekly pool tourneys and poker nights? Fine. But daily ragers that last til dawn? Not so fine.
When “guy/girls night” stops being an occasional treat and morphs into a full-blown lifestyle… who KNOWS what kinda sketchy stuff is going down.
A social butterfly is one thing. But if your partner ditches you every night to cavort with their crew, they may be cavorting with others too. Save your eyerolls, kids. Just sayin’.
9. Lies, lies, and more lies
A little white lie never hurt anyone, right? “No babe, those pants don’t make you look fat!” nervous chuckle
But when fibs start flying like a flock of seagulls, you best believe something fishy is in the water.
Catching your partner in a lie is like spotting Bigfoot – you can’t believe your eyes at first, but then it smacks you upside the head.
Maybe their story changes more often than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. Or little lies start stacking up like Jenga blocks. Either way, a liar is gonna lie. And lie and lie and lie.
You deserve the whole truth, and nothing but. Accept no substitutes, my sweets!
10. You feel it in your gut
At the end of the day, your spidey senses are your best defense against a cheatin’ heart.
If your gut is telling you something is off, don’t ignore that feeling! Your subconscious picks up on subtle clues and changes you may not even realize.
So if you’ve got that icky, sinking feeling in your stomach… it’s time for a serious heart-to-heart with your honey.
Lay out the facts, share your feels, and gauge their reaction. A loving partner will want to put your mind at ease. A cheater will deflect, deny, or straight up get PISSED.
But even if your worst fears are confirmed, know this – you are a flipping CATCH, and no two-timing chump can take that away from you.
Kick that cheater to the curb and strut your fabulous self into the sunset, boo. Onward and upward!
The bottom line
Alright my loves, I’ve given you the tea. Now it’s up to you to decide what to brew with it.
Just remember – even if your partner is sneakier than a fox in a hen house, the truth WILL come out eventually. Cheaters always slip up. Always.
So hold your gorgeous head high. Know your worth. And never settle for a half-baked love.
You deserve a partner who’s gonna treat you like the Queen/King you are, not some joker going behind your back.
Think you might be dating a cheater? Dump ’em. Dump ’em real good.
And just keep on shining, my darling diamond.
Your fairy godmother Sarah has spoken! Now get out there and SLAY.
I’m Sarah Koch, a Relationship Coach based in Austin, Texas. With over 9 years of professional experience and degrees in Sociology and Counseling Psychology from UT Austin, I specialize in helping people build healthy, fulfilling relationships. On this blog, you’ll find practical tips and insightful guidance for improving communication, resolving conflicts, increasing intimacy, and fostering deeper connections in your romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships and more.
