How to Keep Her Interested Over Text: Texting Dos and Don’ts

You meet a sweet girl, hit it off, and get her number. The flirty texting starts out hot and heavy…and then slowly fizzles out like a dying campfire.

What the heck happened?!

One minute, she can’t stop blowing up your phone. The next, it’s like you got ghosted by Casper himself.

I know, I know – texting can feel like an impossible game sometimes. One wrong move and poof, she loses interest faster than my 8th grade boyfriend when I talked about The Sims for too long.

But don’t throw in the towel just yet, my friend. Your relationship coach aunt Sarah is here to rescue you from the dreaded “left on read” purgatory!

With the right strategy, you can keep her hooked on every notification and dying to meet up in person. Let’s break down the big dos and don’ts of texting, shall we?

Because a watched phone never buzzes…but you gotta keep her bubbles poppin’!

Don’t Play It Too Cool, Bro

I get it, you don’t want to come across as thirsty or desperate…but going radio silent is a one-way ticket to getting kicked off her radar!

Think of it this way – if someone stopped making any effort with you, would you stick around? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Even if you’re an outgoing guy who loves meeting new people, getting zero attention is a brutal blow to the ego.

The same applies to the ladies, my dude. Going MIA or leaving her on read all the time is basically telling her “you’re not important to me.” And let me save you some time – that’s NOT how you keep a girl interested!

Instead, make her a priority by:

  • Initiating conversations regularly – Don’t just wait around for her to hit you up. Keep the banter going! Text her in the morning, at night, whenever you have a free moment to make her feel thought of.
  • Checking in throughout the day – Nothing crazy, but dropping her a “How’s your day going?” or “Thinking about you!” text shows you’re keeping her on your mind.
  • Responding in a reasonable timeframe – Now, I’m not saying you need to be a phone zombie who replies 0.2 seconds after her text comes through. But don’t let entire days or weeks go by before getting back to her, either! A few hours max is the move.
  • Keeping it semi-thirsty – Okay, maybe not full-blown thirstbucket mode. But complimenting her, telling her you miss her pretty face, or venting about how you can’t wait to see her again? Chef’s kiss

Give her the attention and energy you’d want from someone you’re digging, and she’ll be WAY more likely to stay engaged.

Don’t Be A Dry Texter, Bro

Have you ever sat there for hours, phone in hand, staring at a blank screen trying to come up with something – ANYTHING! – witty or flirty or interesting to say?

Me too, bro. Me too.

Dull, one-word texts are the kiss of death! Those duds will get her bored and bouncing to someone who doesn’t text like a robot vacuum faster than you can say “guess you had to be there…”

Spice things up with some:

  • Fun questions and stories – Ask her about her weirdest dating experience, most cringey school memory, or go-to drunk snack. Tell her about that time you got chased out of McDonald’s as a kid after throwing fries at the manager. Ya know, QUALITY conversation starters!
  • Witty banter and roasts – Has she posted a new goofy selfie on Insta? Tease and give her a hard time! Say she looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon character or has the same sense of style as Steve Urkel. Self-deprecating humor about your own flaws can work too. Just don’t cross the line into mean-spirited insults.
  • Short, flirty messages – “You up?” is boring. But sending something like “Sweet dreams, gorgeous ;)” or “Can’t stop thinking about your bright smile and killer curves…” Well, you better believe she’ll eat that up!
  • Compliments and romantic vibes – Tell her she’s beautiful, one-of-a-kind, hilarious, kind – whatever genuinely draws you to her. Charm her with mushy pet names and deep talk. It’ll make her heart flutter and remind her why she likes you.

Most importantly, add some personality in there! Don’t just ask “What’s up?” and leave her twiddling her thumbs waiting for a real reply. Give her something fun and engaging to riff off of.

Because my momma always said – “if you have nothing good to text, maybe log off for a while!”

Don’t Be That Overbearing Bro

On the flip side, you also want to avoid becoming “that guy”…you know, the one who texts nonstop with zero chill? The human spam bot who loves blowing up your phone more than anyone on Earth?

Do not want.

While consistency with your messages and putting in effort is crucial, you still need to give her a chance to breathe! A watched phone never buzzes, after all.

Sending a million back-to-back texts and attaching 20 different memes on top of paragraph novels every five minutes is overkill. And I can promise you, it’s coming across as way too intense and desperate no matter how badly you claim you “just really like her!”

Lay off the accelerator, turbo. Here’s how to tone down the aggressiveness:

  • Set some reasonable boundaries – Don’t text her before 9 or 10am, or after midnight. Don’t hit her up incessantly if she’s made it clear she’s busy. Let her come to you sometimes.
  • Focus on quality, not quantity – Send her one hilarious tweet that reminded you of her, not 12 half-baked jokes you saw on Reddit. Ask one good convo-starting question, not a checklist of 50 mundane inquiries.
  • Let her miss you a little – You don’t have to be yakking back and forth 24/7. Feel free to take a short break once in a while. Fading into the background briefly makes her wonder and want you more!
  • Trust the process – If she’s really into you, a few minor lulls or less-than-instantaneous replies won’t kill her interest. Relax. Take it easy. Have a little faith!


I don’t care how excited or horny you are about this girl. Boundaries, people!

Don’t Freak Out Over Tiny Things, Bro

Reading way too much into her responses or mistakes? Checking your phone every 1.7 seconds? Overanalyzing her punctuation, word choices, or timing?


While her consistent lack of engagement is a red flag, getting bent out of shape over one-off little things is NOT the move. That nervous, anxious energy will seep through your messages and make you seem insecure, needy, and not at all grounded or self-assured.

Dating is meant to be fun, remember? Chillax a little and take things as they come.

So maybe she responded to your super thoughtful paragraph by just saying “lol k.” As annoying as that is, try not to spiral into “OMG she totally hates me and thinks I’m a loser” territory. It happens! We’ve all pulled the lame lol move when flustered or busy before.

Or what if she forgets to respond for a few hours and then apologizes saying she got caught up at work or with friends? No biggie! As long as she eventually circles back and seems generally interested, resist the urge to freak out or give her the third degree.

Just keep being your charismatic, funny self. Ride out the little bumps without sweating them too hard.

With time and patience, you’ll get a clearer sense of her feelings. It may turn out she simply isn’t that into you – and that’s okay! At least you won’t have scared her off by being a total PM-me-anxiety case.

Do Make Her Laugh, Bro

In all of dating and relationships, knowing how to make her laugh is indispensable! Keeping that fun, silly vibe over text? Even more crucial if you want her to stick around.

Having a good sense of humor makes you so much more intriguing and attractive. Need proof? Just think about how dull, dry, and dreary people who take themselves way too seriously tend to be! Zzzzzz…

You’re never going to keep a girl hooked by being robotic or overly serious. She’ll feel bored out of her skull and quit responding.

Instead, keep the banter light and playful!

  • Send her memes or TikTok videos that reminded you of her or an inside joke between you two. Even better if you add your own snarky caption!
  • Tell her funny stories – detailed ones are ideal, as it shows you put thought into engaging her. Maybe it’s a tale about your feral cousins fighting over chicken nuggets at a wedding. Or about the time you massively failed at doing a Magic Mike striptease at a friend’s bachelorette party.
  • Deploy puns, zingers, and groaner dad jokes. Though these might get an occasional eye roll, they’ll also get her smiling and shaking her head at your oblivious goofiness. Which is exactly what you want!
  • Bust out some sarcasm and razz her a bit. “Nice to see you’ve upgraded from yesterday’s basic mirror selfie to today’s basic mirror selfie. Such range!” Or my favorite: “Thank you for updating your LinkedIn bio so I can finally see your extremely professional Seussical hair pic. Iconic.”

Keep the laughs coming, and she’ll look forward to texting you!

Do Set Up Plans, Bro

On that note – don’t just be the funny texting buddy! Remember, your end goal is to actually go on a date or kickstart a relationship, not win a competition for Snap streaks.

After you’ve built up a rapport and kept her interest going over text, make sure you transition to solidifying hang-out plans!

Saying “We should grab drinks this weekend!” leaves things way too wishy-washy. Instead, make her a firm plan she can get excited about, logistics and all.

“Hey, we should check out the new taco spot downtown on Friday at 8! I’ll pick you up, it’s supposed to be super cute and the margaritas are chef’s kiss.

See what I did there? Not only did I suggest a day, time, and place, but I piqued her interest by listing a few appealing details!

Making the plan specific and taking initiative to take care of logistics shows you’re serious about spending time together. It also flat out asks “Do you wanna or nah?” without leaving room to get strung along.

Be proactive and keep it pushing, playa!

Do Learn From Your Mistakes, Bro

Finally, you’re not going to get it perfect 100% of the time – and that’s A-OK. Mistakes help you level up your game!

If things go cold with a girl you were vibing with over text, don’t get bitter. Do a quick debrief and learn for next time:

  • Did you match her engagement and put in equal effort? Be honest with yourself!
  • Did you keep things too dry or surface-level? Kick up the personality a few notches.
  • Were you way too intense or pushy with your messages? Put the phone down sometimes!
  • Or, did it simply run its natural course and the interest faded on one or both sides? Not every connection works out – c’est la vie!

View every “failed” texting situation as an opportunity to spot areas for improvement. Get introspective about patterns. Ask your friends for objective feedback.

Read more articles and books on topics like charisma and flirting. Take a break from dating and work on yourself if you need to rebuild your confidence.

The more you approach each new interaction with an eagerness to level up your skills, the better you’ll get! I promise it does get easier over time.

And if all else fails and you find yourself slipping into bad texting habits again…do I really need to say it? Just call your wise relationship coach Aunt Sarah for a refresher!

Besides, my rates are super affordable – only your first-born child or one winning Powerball ticket per session.

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