Has this ever happened to you? You start vibing with some cutie at the bar/class/office, and suddenly you find yourself in a never-ending tennis match of awkward glances and confusing body language.
Swoon – he looks deeply into your eyes when you’re telling that story about your cat.
Cringe – but then he quickly averts his gaze like you asked if he’s ever used a pore strip.
Squeal! – his arm kept “accidentally” brushing yours all night.
Sigh – but then he left without even asking for your number.
What does it all mean? Is he into you, just a serial flirt, or as clueless as the rest of us mere mortals?
Welcome to the brutal mind games we call “courtship” in the modern age. While open communication and consent are obviously #goals, the reality is that lots of guys out there struggle to make their intentions crystal clear.
Maybe he’s painfully shy. Perhaps he’s scared of rejection. Or maybe subtlety is his flirting love language (ugh, thanks for nothing, bro).
Either way, you’re left playing amateur detective, searching for hidden clues that he’s into you like you’re bingeing true crime documentaries.
How to Decode His Cryptic Vibes
Look, I’m not about to mansplain the male mind to you. Even the most emotionally intelligent guys can communicate about as clearly as a magic 8 ball sometimes.
But I can share some telltale signs that his feelings are more than just friendly — based on all the dating trenches I’ve survived over the years.
By the end of this, you’ll be fluent in guy-ese and able to translate his most cryptic flirting efforts. No thought translator app required!
1. His Pupils Dilate When You’re Around
Time for a mini biology lesson! When someone is attracted to you, their pupils can’t help but dilate (get bigger and rounder) in response.
It’s a normal physical reaction people experience when looking at someone they like-like, thanks to a surge of dopamine and other fun brain chemicals.
Sneaky move to try: next time you interact with your potential crush, move your face closer to his. If his pupils suddenly balloon out, it’s not just because the lighting changed.
Things that give humans dilated pupils:
- Being around someone they’re attracted to (guilty!)
- Being in a dark room
- Taking certain drugs or medications
- A head injury
- If his eyes look like saucers 24/7, maybe suggest he gets that checked out.
2. His Body Language Screams “I’m Into You!”
You know that friend who keeps reminding you how proficient she is at reading guys’ body language?
Well guess what, she actually might be onto something! From where his feet are pointing to how much personal space he gives you, a guy’s body language often reveals what he won’t admit out loud.
Here are some key cues to look for:
Protector Stance
Feet shoulder-width apart, arms at his sides – This is apparently how guys subconsciously try to appear larger and manlier when attracted to someone. Who knew biology could manifest so ridiculously?
Splaying
Leaving the top buttons of his shirt undone, legs spread wide while sitting – Just a subtle attempt to show off his sexy masculinity (and maybe a little more…)
Mirroring
Doing that thing where you both have one hand one your hip? Or you’re both leaning on your forearms while propped up on the bar? Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flirtation.
Forced Clumsiness
Constantly dropping things around you, bumping into you “by accident” – The adult male equivalent of pulling your pigtails in elementary school. So smooth.
Preening
Fixing his hair, biting his lip, adjusting his clothes – His way of subconsciously calling attention to himself and looking his “best.”
The more of these signs you spot at once, the greater the chance he’s crushing hard. But body language is also highly subjective, so take it all with a big grain of salt.
3. He Remembers Even the Tiniest Details About You
You probably barely remember what you ate for breakfast today, let alone what your Lyft driver from last weekend was wearing.
But for some reason, this guy can rattle off allll the random little facts about you that you’ve shared over time. Creepy? Maybe a little. Endearing? Totally could be!
When someone soaks up all those small details — from your favorite Pandora station to the name of your first pet hamster — it shows they’re hanging on your every word. Probs because they’re a little smitten.
Now, memorizing your Social Security number and home address? That’s a deal breaker, sis.
But if he can recall your oddly specific Starbucks order from six months ago, that’s honestly just…well, kind of sweet. And mildly impressive.
His brain is clearly putting in overtime to show you he’s attentive AF and a great potential partner. Cue all the awws.
4. He Always Finds a Way to “Accidentally” Touch You
Ah yes, the “accidental” lingering touch on your arm or lower back that sends sparks flying. Such a time-honored move in the courtship playbook!
In general, people subconsciously crave more physical contact with people they’re attracted to. So if your maybe-flirtationship keeps finding subtle (and seriously convenient) excuses to initiate light touching, that’s generally a big green flag.
Here are a few key “I WANT TO TOUCH YOU” vibes to watch for:
- Pretending to dust imaginary lint off your clothes
- Casually fixing your hair or straightening your collar
- Leading you somewhere with a gentle hand on your back
- Hands-on teaching you how to do some physical activity
- Over-the-top hugs that linger a little too long for polite company
It’s all about incremental escalation — getting a little bolder with making casual physical contact until he’s ready to (respectfully) make a more overt move or get clearer consent.
Patience, grasshopper. Even the slightest touch can pack a flirty punch!
5. He Finds Excuses To Chat With You
You known when you get silly, rambling messages from someone at 2 AM on a Saturday night? The kind that prompt you to roll your eyes and think, “Someone’s feeling reeeal thirsty tonight.”
That’s basically the in-person equivalent of a guy who finds any excuse to loop you into conversation, even about the most mundane topics.
He could be standing mere feet from a group of acquaintances chatting animatedly, but somehow he always ends up seeking you out to share some random thought or hilarious anecdote about his trip to Trader Joe’s last week.
And as soon as you respond with so much as a polite nod, BOOM! His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning and you’re dragged into yet another one of his allllll-too-convenient debate about whether raisins count as candy (spoiler alert: they totally do).
The bottom line? He’s simply Never. Gonna. Stop. Talking. To. You. You’re his favorite person in the room and he’s making sure you damn well know it.
Even if what’s coming out of his mouth makes zero sense at times, try embracing the word vomit. This man is parched and you’re his soul-quenching oasis.
6. He Playfully Teases You…A LOT
“Hey, are your parents bakers? ‘Cause you’ve got a nice set of buns!”
…Okay, let me set the record straight here – dad jokes and cheesy pick-up lines are officially cancelled. Unless you’re at some kind of weird retro cosplay party, in which case, werk it?
But you get what I mean. If a guy is constantly busting your chops and won’t lay off with the lighthearted ribbings, he lurves pushing your buttons in that jokey big brother way. Standard flirty setting to test the waters for more.
Some key teasing-as-flirting signs:
- Giving you a hard time for your outrageous music/TV/movie preferences (his words, not mine)
- Nicknaming you and constantly using it, even when you hate it
- Asking why you slept through your alarm (again!) in a pseudo-judgy, sarcastic tone
- Fake trash-talking your intelligence/talents/abilities in some area
- Getting you flustered on purpose by acting offended over tiny things
All that faux offense and faux condescension are just his goofy way of getting a rise out of you and keeping you invested in the witty banter.
It may drive you up a wall at times, but there’s a good chance the reason he won’t quit it is because deep down, he’s hoping the relentless joking vibes eventually turn flirtatious.
7. His Voice Gets Higher and “Lighter” Around You
This is one of those subtle audio giveaways that’s almost imperceptible until you start paying close attention.
When a guy is interested in you (but maybe not ready to fully admit it yet), his tone of voice often unconsciously shifts to sound just a little “lighter” and breathier.
His words might come out with a higher baseline pitch that sounds slightly more feminine. And you may even notice him doing that vocal fry thing of letting certain words trail off into an exhale. So hot.
This isn’t an iron-clad “He’s Into You” litmus test or anything. But psychologists say mind and body often change in these small ways when guys are around an object of desire — likely stemming from a slight spike in adrenaline and arousal.
Next time you’re chatting with your “just-a-friend” pal, listen closely to the tone and cadence of his voice. Even if what he’s saying seems totally normal and platonic on the surface, a few subtle vocal cues might reveal deeper subconscious thoughts.
Green Flags vs. Red Flags: Reading the Signs
Even the subtlest hints can carry weight when you’re trying to decode if someone’s into you or not. But not all signals are created equal!
Use this cheat sheet to distinguish between green light “go” signals that could indicate genuine interest and affection, versus red flags that should make you run for the hills:
| Green Flags ✅ | Red Flags ⛔️ |
|---|---|
| Holding prolonged eye contact and smiling | Persistent leering or unwanted sexual staring |
| Playful teasing and inside jokes | Inappropriate or cruel put-downs and mockery |
| Finding small reasons to initiate respectful physical contact | Unwanted touching, invading personal space |
| Remembering little details about your life/interests | Prying into overly personal or uncomfortable topics |
| Seeking you out for light conversation | Monopolizing all your time, not letting you disengage |
| Leaving the door open for future plans/hangouts | Pushing for unrealistic romantic escalation too quickly |
| Seeming a little flustered and nervous around you | Acting possessive, controlling or vigilantly jealous |
| Opening up and sharing about themself | Love-bombing you with excessive compliments/gifts |
| Respecting your boundaries if you decline advances | Not taking “no” for an answer, disregarding consent |
At the end of the day, trust your gut instinct! Green flags should make you feel safe, appreciated and excited. Red flags are toxic warning signs to get yourself out of that situation stat.
Healthy flirting exists in a delicate balance of mutual interest, respect for boundaries, and always leaving an “out” if the vibe isn’t reciprocated. Anything less than that is a clear red line.
Proceed with Caution When Reading Signs
All this said, please take this entire article with a big ol’ grain of salt, friends.
Not every dilated pupil or awkward graze is a telltale sign of unspoken desire. Some people are just naturally flirtatious, handsy, or spacey! And there are a million perfectly innocent reasons why someone’s voice or body language might change slightly in casual conversation.
The healthiest approach? Take these “hints” as general awareness raising, but don’t treat any of them as surefire proof of reciprocated romantic interest. That’s a fast track to disappointment and potential harassment claims.
Instead, use your best judgment based on the overall vibes, and be willing to have an open, honest dialogue when the time feels right. Communication and consent are the name of the game, forever and always.
If someone’s sending you signals that veer too far into creepy territory, shut it down. Full stop. You deserve to feel respected and comfortable.
But if you happen to detect maybe-flirty energy from a guy you’re into, there’s also nothing wrong with subtly mirroring those vaguely flirty cues back until hopefully one of you grows a pair and just says something.
Because as frustrating and confusing as all these mixed messages can be, there’s something weirdly sweet about that unmistakable feeling of butterflies and deeper stirrings waiting to be definitively expressed.
Innuendo can be fun. But I’ll leave you with this solid life advice: at the end of the day, clear and open communication about desires and boundaries is the only foolproof way to build a genuinely fulfilling relationship.
No more games and guesswork required.
I’m Sarah Koch, and I work as a Relationship Coach in Austin, Texas. I’ve been doing this job for more than 9 years. I studied Sociology and Counseling Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. My main goal is to help people create strong and happy relationships. I also wrote a book called “Irresistible Texting” to share my ideas on how to have better relationships through texting.
