Funny Responses to Being Called Selfish: 36+ Sarcastic Comebacks

let’s explore why people get called selfish and how to react. Sometimes the self-care we need is misunderstood. Other times, we may unconsciously hurt people while pursuing our goals. Regardless, we can choose compassion over conflict.

Comebacks That Turn the Tables

“I learned from the best.”

This flips the blame onto the accuser with some lighthearted snark. It hints that they set the example of selfish behavior that you supposedly followed.

Below are more responses that reverse the spotlight:

• “It takes one to know one, right?”
• “I wonder where I got that from?”
• “I’m just taking a page out of your book.”
• “I guess you would know best.”
• “Well I didn’t inherit my selflessness from you.”

Sarcastic Ways to Agree

“You’re so right. I’m too busy caring about myself to care about your opinion of me.”

This mocks their criticism by owning the “selfish” label with sarcasm. It implies their judgment means nothing.

Other sarcastic agreements:

• “Guilty as charged. My needs are just too important.”
• “I know, I really should think about you more.”
• “Yeah, I’m terribly selfish for not living my life for others.”
• “Fine, I’ll work on fixing that never.”

Humorous Exaggerations

“You caught me. I rob homeless people to buy myself diamonds.”

This humorously blows the situation out of proportion. It sarcastically paints you as selfish in an extreme, fictional way.

More exaggerated confessions:

• “I know, I ate the last cookie AND didn’t even feel bad about it!”
• “It’s true – I always take the last seat on the bus.”
• “Darn my refusal to let other people pick my outfits.”
• “I cannot apologize enough for loving myself.”

Snappy Comebacks

“I donate more money to charity each year than you make.”

This claps back by implying you’re extremely generous while they lack the funds to donate significantly.

Further snappy responses:

• “Says the most self-absorbed person here.”
• “I’ll add ‘selfish’ to my list of flaws you can’t stop talking about.”
• “If you say so! Now, let’s hear more about how I affect your life.”
• “I’m selfish? That means so much coming from someone who has never helped me.”

Calling Out the Accusation

“How am I being selfish here exactly?”

This directly questions their claim that you’re acting selfishly in this situation. It puts the burden of proof on them.

Other ways to call it out:

• “What makes you label me as selfish?”
• “Can you explain what you mean by that?”
• “In what way have I only cared about myself recently?”
• “What have I done that’s making you feel this way?”

Lighthearted Deflections

“Aww thanks for noticing I take good care of myself!”

This reframes “selfish” as self care. It acts oblivious to the attack and spins it positively.

More playful deflections:

• “Guilty of indulging in a little me-time!”
• “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
• “I know, I need to leave some generosity for the rest of you.”
• “I’m okay with being selfish about my boundaries.”

Refusing to Engage

“I’m going to ignore that and stay positive.”

This disengages from the name-calling rather than getting defensive. It takes the high road.

Further ways to opt out:

• “I’m not going to call you names in return. Let’s talk respectfully.”
• “If you reconsider that accusation, I’m willing to discuss this civilly.”
• “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that low blow. Now what’s actually upsetting you?”
• “I feel hurt, not offended, by that. Can we connect compassionately about this?”

Validating the Emotion

“I understand why you feel that way. How can we resolve this?”

This acknowledges the feeling behind their words, without admitting wrongdoing. It redirects the conversation to solutions.

Additional validating responses:

• “You seem really upset by my actions. Help me understand so I can address it.”
• “I hear your frustration. Let’s figure out how I can better consider your needs.”
• “I’m sorry my choices made you feel neglected. What would help?”
• “Let’s have an open discussion about how we can both get our needs met.”

Self-Deprecating Humor

“You’re right, I’m too busy being awesome to notice when I’m selfish.”

This pokes fun at yourself to ease tension. It flips the insult into a joke about being overly confident.

Further joking admissions:

• “I apologize for being so amazing that I forgot about you.”
• “You’re totally right, it’s hard being this perfect.”
• “I know I shouldn’t be so caught up in my glamorous lifestyle.”
• “It’s tough being so talented AND gorgeous that everyone accuses you of being selfish.”

How to Reply to a Girl

If a girlfriend or female friend calls you selfish…

Emphasize care for the relationship. For example:

• “I want us both to feel loved. What can I do to show I value you?”
• “I’m sorry I ever made you doubt my care and commitment to this relationship.”

Appeal to emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills. For instance:

• “Let’s take some space, then have an open talk about what each of us can improve.”
• “I know you’re feeling hurt. Help me understand so I can be more thoughtful in the future.”

Leverage self-deprecating humor. Like:

• “You’re right, being this awesome made me forget my relationship duties for a second.”
• “I must have been distracted by my crazy schedule to overlook your needs.”

How to Reply to a Guy

If a male friend or boyfriend calls you selfish…

Use sarcasm and snark. For example:

• “Wow, so generous of you to spend so much time focused on me.”
• “Thanks for the feedback, though I don’t remember asking.”

Flip the blame back onto them:

• “I learned from you, bro.”
• “Should I follow your selfless example then?”

Or make them feel silly for the accusation:

• “You did NOT just call me, the girl who planned your last three parties, selfish.”
• “Remember last month when I rearranged my schedule to help you study? Well this is my thanks, huh.”

Key Takeaways

1. Don’t take accusations of selfishness at face value. Ask clarifying questions to understand their perspective.

2. Set boundaries if needed. You can’t force cooperation but you can model level-headed communication.

3. Kill cruelty with comedy. Laughter alleviates tension so you can have a constructive discussion.

In Closing

While no one enjoys being labeled as selfish, these moments often signal unmet needs on both sides. We can all stand to better understand our impact, show grace under fire, and extend good faith efforts at conflict resolution. Often the fastest way to ease a misunderstanding comes back to showing we genuinely care.