Best Comebacks to “Keep It In Your Pants”: 38+ Insane Reply Lines

You’re out with your friends, maybe having a few drinks, when someone catches your eye across the room.

You throw out a flirty comment, and then BAM! Your buddy hits you with the ol’ “Keep it in your pants, man.” Ouch. Way to ruin the moment, right?

But here’s the thing – sometimes our pals are just looking out for us. Maybe they can see that person is bad news or you’re about to make a fool of yourself.

Still, it stings to get called out like that. So what do you do? Just take it lying down? Heck no!

I’m here to hook you up with some smart, sassy replies that’ll let you keep your dignity intact…and your pants on (for now).

Here is the ultimate list of snappy comebacks when someone tells you to “keep it in your pants.”

Sarcastic Replies That Call Out Their Rudeness

“Wow, did you come up with that zinger all by yourself?”

Let’s be real, telling someone to “keep it in their pants” is pretty dang rude. It’s basically like saying “control yourself, you horny animal!” Not cool. So if you wanna fight fire with fire, hit ’em with some sarcasm:

  • Really? I had no idea that’s how pants work. Thanks for the tip, Einstein!
  • Oh darn, and here I was planning a live strip show. Guess I’ll have to cancel now.
  • Gee, I’ll file that valuable advice away with “don’t run with scissors.”
  • Huh, didn’t realize you were the Pants Police. Lemme see your badge.
  • Well then I’m sure YOU’VE never done anything frisky, right? Right??

Humorous Comebacks That Lighten The Mood

“These pants have a mind of their own, I tell ya!”

When in doubt, crack a joke! A little humor is a great way to defuse the tension and let the other person know their comment didn’t ruffle your feathers. Try one of these for size:

  • What can I say, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
  • But I JUST had these pants dry cleaned. You want me to dirty them up again?
  • Aww shucks, did my animal magnetism get outta hand again? My bad.
  • Last I checked, my zipper doesn’t have a mind of its own…but I’ll keep an eye on it.
  • Hold up, lemme go grab my chastity belt real quick.

Over-the-Top Responses That Play Along

“You’re right, these pants are holding back a wild beast!”

Another option? Lean into the ridiculous! By playing along with an exaggerated reply, you show that you’re in on the joke and don’t take yourself too seriously. Give these a whirl:

  • It’s true, I need at least 3 layers of Spanx to tame this raging animal inside me!
  • Maybe I should wear 6 pairs of pants from now on, just to be safe.
  • I dunno, keeping “it” in my pants 24/7 seems like animal cruelty.
  • You’ve discovered my secret – I’m actually a robot sent from the future to breed with humans!
  • Honestly, I’m doing the world a favor by keeping this bod under wraps.

Confident Answers That Embrace Your Flirty Side

“Don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control…for now.”

On the flip side, maybe you’re feeling yourself and don’t wanna play it off like a joke. In that case, fire back with a cool, confident reply that says “Yep, I’m flirting, so what?” Try these on for size:

  • Thanks, but I think I’ll dress myself. I’m a big boy now.
  • I appreciate the concern, but I got this. I know how to handle myself.
  • Didn’t know I had to run my outfit choices by you. I’ll keep that in mind.
  • All part of my charm, babe. You ain’t seen nothing yet.
  • Trust me, if I didn’t have self-control, you’d know it.

Playful Responses That Give It Right Back

“I will if you will!”

They wanna tease you? Tease ’em right back! A playful, flirtatious reply shows you can take a joke…and dish it out too. See how these land:

  • Why, is yours getting jealous?
  • Funny, I was gonna say the same to you!
  • But where’s the fun in that?
  • Don’t act like you don’t like it.
  • Hey, my eyes are up here!

Cheeky Replies That Call Out Their Hypocrisy

“Didn’t seem to bother you last weekend, just sayin!”

Let’s be honest, the person telling you to keep it in your pants has probably let loose a time or two themselves. So if you know for a fact they’re being a hypocrite, feel free to (gently) call them out like this:

  • Oh so NOW you wanna be all prim and proper, huh? What about that time in Cabo…
  • Pretty sure I saw YOU chatting up that hottie at the bar five minutes ago, just sayin’.
  • Wasn’t it your idea to go skinny dipping last summer? But okay, whatever you say!
  • Ah, do as you say, not as you do? Got it, great life advice.
  • Gosh, if only there was a word for someone who says one thing and does another. Hmm.

Clever Comebacks That Put THEM In The Hot Seat

“Why, am I turning you on right now?”

Wanna shut it down real quick? Flip the script and put THEM on the spot. A sly comment implying that maybe THEY’RE the one who needs to keep it in their pants will stop them in their tracks. Observe:

  • Feeling a little flustered over there? I know, happens to a lot of people around me.
  • Wait, is this your way of telling me you can’t control yourself around me?
  • Sounds like you’re speaking from experience. Wanna talk about it, champ?
  • Methinks the lady doth protest too much. You sure YOU don’t need a cold shower?
  • Aww, you jealous you’re not on the receiving end of all this animal magnetism?

Self-Deprecating Answers That Beat Them To The Punch

“Trust me, my pants are the last place anyone wants to get into.”

You know the saying, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em? Well, sometimes it takes the wind out of their sails if you playfully rag on yourself first. Very “yeah yeah, I know, I’m a dork, what else ya got?” Try these:

  • Ha! Joke’s on you, nobody’s trying to get in there anyway.
  • Whoa whoa, let’s not get carried away. My pants are an exclusive club with a strict door policy.
  • Psh, this is false advertising at best. Luckily, I’m very good at disappointing people.
  • These pants are like the Bermuda Triangle – people go in and are never seen again!
  • Heh, I think my pants actually have a force field repelling anyone from getting too close.

Witty Responses That Turn It Around On Them

“I’m flattered you’re so concerned about the contents of my pants!”

If you really wanna throw them for a loop, act like they’re the weirdo for even bringing up your pants in the first place. Make THEM feel awkward about it and watch them squirm. Bust out one of these bad boys:

  • Wow, you seem really fixated on my nether regions. Anything you wanna share with the class?
  • I’m sorry, I didn’t order a personal pants security guard. Maybe ask someone else?
  • Gee, I had no idea my pants were such a hot topic of discussion! Please, tell me more.
  • Not sure what I did to deserve this very specific fashion advice, but thanks I guess?
  • Y’know, I’ve heard of Neighborhood Watch, but Neighborhood Crotch Watch is new to me.

Clever Rebuttals That Imply They’re Just Jealous

“It’s ok, I’d be jealous of my game too if I were you.”

At the end of the day, people who criticize are often just insecure or envious themselves. So you could always hit them with a little “u mad bro?” energy to take them down a peg:

  • Aww adorable, look at you giving out free advice! Really filling that empty space in your life, huh?
  • I get it, I’d be bitter too if I was getting as little action as you these days.
  • Shh, grown-ups are talking now. But you get a gold star for effort!
  • Sounds like someone needs a nap. Cranky babies say the darnedest things.
  • Yeah yeah, we’re all very impressed by your unwarranted opinion. So anyway!

How To Reply When a Girl Says “Keep It In Your Pants”

So fellas, a girl just told you to keep it in your pants, huh? First of all, don’t panic. Chances are, she’s just trying to slow your roll a bit, not shut you down completely.

The key here is to acknowledge her boundaries while still keeping things flirty and fun. You might say something like:

“Whoa there, I’m just admiring the view! But I gotcha – look but don’t touch, right?”

“No worries, I’m a perfect gentleman. At least until you tell me otherwise…”

“Ouch, when did it get so chilly in here? Message received though – I’ll behave.”

Let her know you’re backing off a bit, but leave the door open in case she changes her tune later. And above all else, respect her wishes! Don’t be that creepy guy who can’t take a hint. Not a good look.

How To Reply When a Guy Says “Keep It In Your Pants”

Listen up ladies – if a dude is telling YOU to keep it in your pants, that’s a red flag waving in your face. Unless he’s your boyfriend or husband, no man gets to police your sexuality like that. Period.

So don’t be afraid to put him in his place! You could clap back with:

“Pretty sure what I do or don’t do with my pants is none of your business, thanks.”

“Aww, you feeling threatened by a strong woman owning her desires? That’s cute.”

“Last I checked, you weren’t the gatekeeper to my body. Bye!”

Remember, you never “owe” a guy anything, even if he’s acting like you lead him on. Your body, your rules. And any halfway decent man will respect that without needing to be told twice.

Key Takeaways About Responding to “Keep It In Your Pants”

  1. Stay confident – don’t let it shake you! A cool, unbothered attitude is your best defense.
  2. Use humor to your advantage. Crack a joke, be a little flirty, and keep things light.
  3. Know when to walk away. If they keep harping on it or cross the line, don’t be afraid to bounce. You don’t owe anybody anything.

The Pants-Related Punchline

At the end of the day, someone telling you to “keep it in your pants” doesn’t have to be a mood killer.

With a few witty comebacks in your arsenal, you can handle the situation like a pro.

Just remember: your body, your choices. Anyone who tries to shame you or make you feel bad for embracing your sexuality (in a responsible, consensual way of course) is probably wrestling with their own insecurities. Don’t let them put that on you!

So the next time someone tells you to keep it in your pants, hit ’em with a zinger, flash a smirk, and keep on strutting. You do you, boo – no explanations needed. Those pants, and what’s inside ’em, are nobody’s business but your own. Mic drop, hehe……..

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