As you may already know from our announcement post, my husband and I are expecting our first child.
I was never a baby person. My sisters and I were never exposed to babies, never had baby dolls as toys (even if we did, they weren’t played with), and I rarely babysat anyone (let alone anyone under the age of 6). Usually babysitting for us was just hanging out with kids younger than us and “watching” them (aka watching MTV and ordering pizza while they played video games in the other room).
And while this whole thing is very exciting and has my heart filled with a joy I can’t explain, I’m also fearful of and questioning a lot of things these days.
1) How will I know what to do?
2) Will I be a good mom?
3) How tiring will it really be?
4) Will my baby be cute?
5) Will I miss my baby-less life a lot?
6) Are my friends going to avoid us?
7) When do I need to get the baby room ready?
8) How do I know what to register for and how much of each item?
9) Will the delivery hurt really bad?
10) How will I ever be able to go back to work and concentrate on work – how could I possibly stop thinking about the baby all day?
11) Will the daycare place really let me come visit 100x a day, and to feed as necessary?
12) Do we need to go to a birthing class?
13) Should we go to a parenting class?
14) Will they love God as much as I want them to?
15) How will I lose the weight?
16) Can we afford to give them the life we want to give them?
17) Will my parents be as involved as grandparents as mine were – I want them to be super close to my kids, as my grammy and poppop are/were unbelievably important to me?
18) Will I be able to breastfeed as long as I want to – with all the complications of going back to work and such?
19) How do I avoid fighting about how to parent, finances and the stresses we’ll face after the baby is born?
20) Is there any way to be sure the daycare we pick is better than the others we’ve toured?
21) Am I gaining too much weight? Too little?
22) Should I be showing more or less right now?
23) Why do I feel like crying sometimes when I think about the baby – happy tears, tears of anxiety, tears of impatience, etc.?
24) How is it that some girls my age were born with this baby thing where they’re aching to me moms the minute they hit puberty and then become instant rockstar moms the minute they find out they’re pregnant?
25) Is it OK if I am still ME as a mom? I want to be the same old Lindsay but with a baby on my hip and my designer bag on my shoulder (sorry, no Vera Bradley Diaper Bag for me). I want to still see my friends all the time and have fun.
26) How soon am I supposed to start educational stuff for the baby? Immediately? Does that mean reading to them and that’s enough? That’s adorable and I can so do that, but what else can I do to make them smart?
27) Sort of along the lines of question 26 … how do I ensure they’re smart and learn what they need to, when they need to?
28) Should we have stayed in Dallas so that we have family close as we raise a family?
29) How hard will it be without family nearby to help?
30) Is sending them to daycare as an infant going to be harmful to my bonding / my husband’s bonding with them?
31) Will I experience post-partum? And what the heck is post-partum anyway?
32) Is it bad that I think some moms are just so cheese-y and I don’t want to talk to my kids like that at all? I’ve heard that baby talk is bad for them, and talking to them normally makes them smarter – is that true?
33) How will our dogs react to the new baby? Will they behave? Will they love the baby and protect it? Will they be jealous and act out? Will they have to become outside dogs full-time?
34) Are other moms going to judge me for the way I am as a mom (which I don’t even know how I’ll be yet)?
35) Why does it take so long to make a baby – I want to meet it now?
36) Will a boy be better for me getting used to this mom thing first, or a girl?
37) Am I going to be mean?
38) Am I going to be a push-over?
39) How do we ensure we are a super tight-knit family and are always close throughout our lives?
40) When will I know the answers to all these questions and more?
I decided to share these here in hopes that it would be somewhat cathartic and elicit advice, wisdom and encouragement from you. If only these all magically became answered when the baby is born. 🙂