Hilarious Comebacks to “Smash or Pass?” Witty & Sarcastic Replies

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Sarah Koch


You’re scrolling through social media when you see it – that infamous question, “Smash or Pass?” Whether it’s a friend’s story or a random meme, it never fails to grab your attention. But what if the tables were turned? What if you could hit them with the wittiest, most side-splitting responses that would leave them in stitches?

What are some funny responses to “Smash or Pass”?

A hilarious comeback to “Smash or Pass” could be: “I’d rather study for my calculus exam than objectify people like that!” This reply flips the script, making light of the crude nature of the question while injecting some comedic self-deprecation about academic struggles.

The key is to throw them off with an unexpected, lighthearted jab that steers the conversation in a more positive direction.

A Witty Spin on the Question

“Is that a new Tinder feature?” 

This zinger playfully implies that reducing people to mere “smash or pass” options is something only a clueless dating app novice would do. The implication, delivered with a wry smile, is that the person asking such a juvenile question clearly needs to up their game. A response like this is perfect for those looking to take the high road while still getting in a solid burn.

Similar hilarious comebacks that put a witty spin on the question:

  1. “Oh, were we playing the ‘Identify the Frat Bro’ game?”
  2. “Is that what they’re calling it these days? Back in my day we just called it ‘objectifying people.'”
  3. “You must be new to this ‘human decency’ thing – want me to explain it to you over a beverage that doesn’t come in a crushed can?”
  4. “I’m so glad my parents raised me to see people as more than just objects to ‘smash’…”
  5. “I didn’t realize we had time-traveled back to the 1950s! My bad, I’ll try to be more regressive.”
  6. “Wow, it’s like you’re actively trying to make feminists gain more supporters!”
  7. “I thought we decided playground games were a bit immature for us?”
  8. “I believe the polite term is ‘disrespect or disrespect’?”
  9. “We’re all just human beings trying to vibe, my friend. Can’t we try being better than that?”
  10. “If you have to ask, you’ve already failed the vibe check.”

A Hilarious Reality Check

“Sorry, I only “smash” my unrealistic body standards and deeply-rooted insecurities!” 

This one is for those who like their comebacks with an extra dose of self-deprecating realness. It pokes fun at the toxic mindset that fuels questions like “smash or pass,” all while making light of the relatable struggles we all face with body image and self-esteem. The key is injecting just the right amount of tragic humor to highlight how silly heated objectification truly is.

Similar brutally honest but funny reality-checks:

  1. “I’m still working on ‘self-loving’ before I try to get others to ‘smash’ me.
  2. “Between you and me, the only thing getting “smashed” regularly is my guilty pleasure snack stash!”
  3. “Smash? I don’t even remember the last time I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror.”
  4. “You make it sound so easy – but as we all know, low self-esteem hits different!”
  5. “I think the only “passing” happening here is how quickly my youthful confidence passes by each year!”
  6. “I would, but then I’d just spend all night critiquing myself for every perceived flaw. No thanks!”
  7. “With my ability to overthink everything, I’ll pass on giving myself another thing to obsess over.”
  8. “I’m gonna have to get back to you on that one – currently in an intense staring contest with my pores.”
  9. “Sorry, fresh out of serotonin at the moment – maybe I’ll feel like a snack later!”
  10. “Hard pass, my G. My crippling self-doubt already smashes me on the daily!”

A Clever Twist on Expectations

“I thought we were having an actual conversation, but hey, I’m game – let’s smash some gender norms instead!” 

This response flips the offensive question on its head by subverting expectations in a witty, socially conscious way. It reframes “smash or pass” as an opportunity to challenge outdated ways of thinking rather than reinforce them. The lighthearted, playful tone makes it more of a thoughtful suggestion than preachy lecture.

Similar clever pivots that twist expectations in an amusing way:

  1. “You know what, let’s smash the patriarchy and pass on those toxic attitudes!”
  2. “I’m down to smash some sickening dance moves but I’ll pass on demeaning humankind.”
  3. “How about we smash through these narrow beauty standards and pass judgment-free?”
  4. “I’ll smash that outdated mindset with some new perspectives, if you’re open to it?”
  5. “We could smash some stereotypes about gender roles – or just smash a pizza if you prefer?”
  6. “Let’s smash the idea that catcalling is acceptable and pass on more positive interactions.”
  7. “I’m prepared to smash all kinds of assumptions today! Lead the way, you’ll see.”
  8. “I’d love to smash this toxic situation with a lil open-mindedness. You game?”
  9. “Why don’t we smash some progressive ideals and pass on regressive ones for once?”
  10. “Let’s smash this round by discussing our aspirations as human beings, not judging bodies.”

A Philosophical Perspective

“I’m more of a ‘marvel at the beauty of consciousness’ kind of person…” 

Responding with an existential curveball like this catches the person completely off-guard. It injects some profound perspective and reorients the conversation toward deeper self-reflection. The tongue-in-cheek delivery implies you’re just having a laugh, but still plants a philosophical seed.

Similar thought-provoking perspectives to comedically shift the vibe:

  1. “You know, when you really think about it, we’re all just stardust contemplating itself…”
  2. “I try not to get too hung up on corporeal forms – I’m more of a celebration of spirit type.”
  3. “My dude, there are entire dimensions of reality you seem to be missing out on!”
  4. “Instead of judging books by their cover, have you tried opening your mind’s eye?”
  5. “I’m too preoccupied living in the present moment to entertain those kinds of questions.”
  6. “While you ponder surface levels, I’m over here doing shadow work and transcending the ego.”
  7. “I don’t know…something about quantifying the ineffable human experience feels insignificant.”
  8. “My mentor always taught me to lead with compassion for all sentient beings.”
  9. “How does one really ‘pass’ or ‘smash’ something as trippy as the universal life force we’re all part of?”
  10. “I’m just here for the lively discussions about concepts like existentialism and interconnectedness!”

A Hilariously Absurd Non-Sequitur

“Well, this is a conversation that’s really ventured off into uncharted waters… Wanna see a magic trick instead?!” 

Sometimes the best way to derail an uncomfortable situation is to become a delightful agent of chaos. Offering up a completely unrelated, outlandish suggestion like this can utterly confound the person – but in an amusing, disarming way. The abrupt tonal shift effortlessly changes the dynamics.

Some other nonsensical comedic curveballs to throw:

  1. “You know what, let’s circle back to ‘smash or pass’ in a bit – I’ve been dying to act out this rok-metal operetta I wrote!”
  2. “I had a uncle who was really into mangling riddles like this as a parlor game. Maybe I could teach it to you sometime?”
  3. “I’m afraid things have gotten a bit too coherent for my tastes. How does everybody feel about freestyling an alien language?”
  4. “Whoops, you’ve stumbled onto one of my psychedelic thought experiments – wanna join the fractal journey?!”
  5. “You raise an interesting philosophical query! But first…would you survive this wilderness survival scenario I’m concocting?”
  6. “Since you bring it up, I am perfecting my rapping ability to become the next big cannabis-themed Weird Al-ternative!”
  7. “Hmm, yes, quite…Oh! I randomly remembered the funniest knock-knock joke. Wanna hear it?”
  8. “You know, your question reminded me of this hilarious bit from the ertian documentary on bioluminescent marine life…”
  9. “Well, this conversation’s a little zany, ain’t it? Who’s up for choreographing some wildly interpretive dance moves?”
  10. “Ah smash or pass, a dichotomy as ancient as…Hey, have you heard about the philosophy of Einen Stein Im Brett?”

Comparing Apples and Oranges

“I can’t really ‘smash or pass’ on people like that – I’m more of a ‘Keep it crunchy or absolutely pulverize’ kind of snack person.” 

Bringing an utterly silly non-sequitur into the conversation can quickly delighten and reset the dynamics. This example effectively shows how ludicrous it is to apply simplistic binaries like “smash or pass” to human beings by mapping that illogical framework onto something patently absurd, like foods.

Other humorous “apples and orange” comparisons to diffuse the situation:

  1. “I don’t really think in those terms…Now, inflatable pool toys on the other hand – I’m a ‘slim thicc rideable’ or ‘tumbleweed’ kind of selector.”
  2. “Huh, I guess it’s true what they say – standards for rating humans vs. literary fiction always get muddled!”
  3. “You lost me at ‘smash or pass’…I’m more of an ‘aioli or basic bitch mayo’ kind of condiment judge.”
  4. “Sorry, I don’t deal in put-down binaries…I’m a ‘swirl, sniff and sip’ or ‘knock it back’ type of wine person.”
  5. “I’ll pass on making that call, but I’m definitely a ‘let it bizarrely be’ or ‘control every little thing’ type of visual artist!”
  6. “Dude, I can’t even decide if a new font is ‘gordita’ or ‘chicken’ without careful consideration – how could I choose for a whole human?!”
  7. “Look, my guy, I apply a much more nuanced rating system when it comes to goats vs. Alpacas as platonic co-pilot choices.”
  8. “I don’t really put people in those boxes – but if we’re talking houseplants, you know I’m an ‘overwaterer’ or ‘dust-covered carcass.'”
  9. “Nah, see, my descriptions tend to get super intricate when talking about semi-solid caramelized dairy products or experimental jazz vocals.”
  10. “While we’re on societally-prescribed rating systems, does anyone want to get in on my ‘jank or mint’ condition Neo Pet appraisal business?”

An Analogy About…Something?

“I knew a guy who was really into collectingantique…umm…sporks? Who tried to approach dating with that ‘smash or pass’ mindset. You can see how that created some mechanical…difficulties…” 

Baffling someone with an incoherent, unresolved analogy is another great way to amusingly derail the conversation. This example trails off into existential confusion, implying the story’s unresolved nature mirrors the futility of trying to “smash or pass” human beings into categories.

Other humorous attempts at analogies that simply don’t land:

  1. “Rating people that way reminds me of this steam-powered…hmmm…Belgian? No, that can’t be right. Well, it had a whistle, I think.”
  2. “You know, there were these two seagulls who always argued over whether the sky was ‘smash’ or…no, wait, I had it backwards.”
  3. “My mentor always used to say, ‘Never bring a blunderbuss attitude to a rapier-and-parry existential screening’ – oh, who am I kidding, I have no idea what I’m talking about!”
  4. “Reminds me of this tribe I read about that would judge new tribe members based on… actually, you know what, I’m scratching that analogy completely.”
  5. “Let me put it this way – has anyone told you about the great riven belt buckle conflict and subsequent squash proliferation of ’87? No? Okay, moving on then.”
  6. “It’s like my eccentric and extremely make-believe uncle used to say after having one too many immersion…. no, that still doesn’t make any sense!”
  7. “You ever been stuck listening to someone try to explain some archaic parlor game, but they kept forgetting the Migration Patterns expansion rules? It’s like that but worse.”
  8. “I had this philosophy professor who would always go off on these just massively off-the-wall metaphysical fugues about bisecting the nature of…you’re right, let’s just move on.”
  9. “Much like the First Great War between the Nibblons and Sardars back in… you know, I don’t think I ever actually learned any real history.”
  10. “It reminds me of the summer my uncles got really into extreme gardening and tried to breed sentient…” trails off, deeply confused

How to Reply to a Girl

When a girl is the one asking “Smash or Pass,” you have an excellent opportunity to respond with some playful feminist energy. Pointing out the reductive nature of the question in a light-hearted way can help reframe the conversation around mutual respect and seeing one another as complete human beings.

A few funny possibilities:

  • “I think you mean ‘Enrich Each Other’s Lives in a Positive Way, or Inspire Personal Growth?’ My bad, outdated lingo!”
  • “You know, there’s more to compatibility than just physical stuff. Like, have you read any good books lately that really made you think?”
  • “I’ll pass on that question, but I’m totally here for some witty banter that doesn’t make people feel objectified!”
  • “How about we play a game where we exchange fun facts about our ambitions, hobbies and perspectives instead?”

The key is to make her laugh and think without lecturing. Gently push back on the oversimplified premise with your response while providing an alternative way to engage respectfully.

How to Reply to a Guy

With guys, you may need to employ a different brand of humor to get them to reconsider the “Smash or Pass” question. Some lighthearted roasting could work wonders:

  • “I’m surprised you didn’t follow that up by asking if I’m a shower or a grower. Come on, bruh!”
  • “Was that your attempt at flirting? Because yikes, I’m gonna have to enroll you in some remedial courtship classes, my dude.”
  • “You missed a step, bro. You’re supposed to unlock the conversation about objectifying people AFTER getting to know me as a human being!”
  • “I’d smash…your outdated, misogynistic views about dating into a million pieces! But other than that, I’ll pass.”

The overall spirit is to mock the immaturity and lack of game behind asking such a juvenile question, all while having a laugh. Make it clear you expect more emotional intelligence, but without taking things too seriously.

Key Takeaways

  1. The Golden Rule Still Applies: Treat people how you’d want to be treated – like complete human beings, not just objects.
  2. Laughter Disarms Toxicity: You can defuse reductive objectification with some well-deployed humor and wit.
  3. Keep It Light, Not Preachy: The goal is to make the person laugh and reconsider their view, not feel attacked or lectured.

Be the Wittiest One in the Crowd – Drop Those One-Liners Perfectly!

We’ve all been there – hit with that cringeworthy “Smash or Pass” question that reduces human beings to simple objects. But fear not! You’re now armed with an arsenal of witty, funny comebacks to shut that nonsense down with humor and grace.

Whether you choose to spin things in an unexpected direction, dish out a hearty serving of reality, or roast the immaturity behind the question, you can’t go wrong. The key is to make the person laugh, think a bit, but avoid making them feel attacked.

A little wit and well-deployed levity go a long way in elevating conversations while still keeping things fun. So have at it! Be the one who raises the bar for respectful discourse, all while keeping the giggles flowing. The world could use more of that positive energy.

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