Funny Responses to ‘What Do You Know’

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Sarah Koch


So, someone hit you with the age-old question, “What do you know?” and now you’re wondering how to respond without sounding like a deer caught in headlights.

We’ve all been there. Your brain goes blank, and all you can muster is a weak shrug or an awkward “Not much.”

But no more! It’s time to up your game and come prepared with witty, funny, and downright fantastic responses that will leave people laughing or scratching their heads in awe.

Smart-Aleck Responses

“Just enough to be dangerous.”

Sometimes, the best way to throw someone off balance is to hit them with a response that’s just vague enough to be intriguing but still packs a punch of humor. This kind of reply suggests that you have a mysterious, edgy side—that you know things, just maybe not the things people would expect.

  • “Enough to keep things interesting.”
  • “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”
  • “Plenty, but I’ve sworn to secrecy.”

“Everything. I’m a human encyclopedia.”

Lean into the absurdity. Claiming to know everything is kind of like declaring you’re the next Einstein—super unrealistic but incredibly funny. Besides, who doesn’t appreciate a touch of good old-fashioned hyperbole?

  • “I’ve got all the answers, just ask me anything.”
  • “Did you not get the memo? I know it all.”
  • “I know everything, but I’ll tell you one thing for free.”

Movie Quotes Responses

“I know nothing! Just like Jon Snow.”

Let’s talk pop culture. Dropping a reference to something as widely loved and nerdy as “Game of Thrones” can instantly make you seem cool and informed. Plus, it’s a nifty way to share a laugh with fellow fans.

  • “Elementary, my dear Watson.”
  • “I know enough to make sure I’m not the red shirt in Star Trek.”
  • “I know that with great power comes great responsibility.”

“I’m Batman.”

This one hardly ever fails. Channel your inner superhero and adopt the low, gravelly voice. Batman is a timeless classic, and pretending to be him for a split second? Absolutely priceless.

  • “I see dead people.”
  • “In West Philadelphia born and raised.”
  • “May the Force be with you.”

Self-Deprecating Responses

“Clearly, not enough.”

A bit of self-deprecating humor can go a long way. It’s endearing, relatable, and shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously—attributes that make anyone more likable.

  • “Obviously, not as much as I thought.”
  • “I was hoping you could tell me.”
  • “Less than the average goldfish.”

“More than yesterday, less than tomorrow.”

Got to love a bit of poetic flair. This response is both honest and humorous. It’s a fun way to acknowledge that everyone is constantly learning and that you’re no exception.

  • “I know I’m not as smart as Google.”
  • “Enough to know I’ve still got plenty to learn.”
  • “I’m working on it. Give me some time.”

Sarcastic Responses

“Just enough to annoy people.”

Sarcasm: the cornerstone of many communicators’ toolbox. This kind of snappy comeback keeps the conversation light and humorous while subtly deflecting the question.

  • “Oh, you know, just the basics of existence.”
  • “Enough to fake my way through a conversation.”
  • “More than I was supposed to.”

“That two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.”

This is the kind of quirky, off-the-wall response that will make people pause for a moment and then burst out laughing. It’s clever, it’s unexpected, and totally memorable.

  • “That I’m too cool for school.”
  • “How much wood a woodchuck can chuck, actually.”
  • “That sarcasm is my superpower.”

Pop Culture Trivia Responses

“I know every single word to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.”

Flex your pop culture muscles with this kind of answer. Who can resist the charm of someone who knows epic song lyrics by heart? Whether or not you actually know all the words is another story—but it’s a fun conversation starter.

  • “I know the entire script of Shrek.”
  • “The capital of every country in the world.”
  • “All the names of the Seven Dwarfs.”

“I know that Ross and Rachel were on a break.”

If there’s one thing that time has proven, it’s that “Friends” references are evergreen. Dropping this line is sure to get at least a few chuckles, and it’s sure to resonate with long-time fans of the show.

  • “Everything about Harry Potter.”
  • “That Dumbledore dies.”
  • “That Han shot first.”

Philosophical Responses

“I know that I know nothing.”

Ah, Socrates, always there to remind us of our limitations. This kind of philosophical comeback can spark deeper conversations—or just make you look insightful and thoughtful.

  • “I know everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.”
  • “That life is but a dream.”
  • “That we live in a simulation.”

“The meaning of life: 42.”

Cue the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” fans! This line is legendary and will either leave people puzzled or thoroughly impressed with your sci-fi savvy.

  • “That time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
  • “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
  • “I think, therefore I am.”

Confident Responses

“What don’t I know?”

Confidence is key. Answering with a bold, assured comeback can leave the questioner smiling, intrigued, or even slightly envious of your confidence.

  • “I know exactly what I need to know.”
  • “I know not to answer that question.”
  • “More than you might think.”

“Let’s just say I’m a work in progress.”

Humility meets assurance. This kind of response shows that while you have confidence in your knowledge, you also appreciate that learning is a continuous journey.

  • “Enough to make an impact.”
  • “More with each passing day.”
  • “I’m on top of my game.”

Absurd Responses

“Flying monkeys are real.”

Sometimes, the best approach is to veer into the absurd. A nonsensical answer can be the perfect icebreaker, reminding everyone not to take the conversation too seriously.

  • “That unicorns commute to work on rainbows.”
  • “Pineapples take two years to grow.”
  • “Turtles can breathe through their butts.”

“I know that cheese is a sometimes food.”

Striking the right balance between absurd and factual is an art form. This line is quirky, funny, and has the added bonus of being somewhat informative.

  • “Dolphins sleep with one eye open.”
  • “Bananas are berries, but strawberries aren’t.”
  • “Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.”

Historical Responses

“I know Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times.”

A little history never hurt anyone—except maybe Julius Caesar. Bringing in a bit of trivia here not only makes you seem well-read but also shows you’ve got a sense of humor about it.

  • “That Cleopatra and Mark Antony had a kid together.”
  • “Napoleon wasn’t short; he was average height.”
  • “That the shortest war in history lasted 38-45 minutes.”

“That Vikings never actually had horned helmets.”

Correcting misconceptions is a great way to show off some quirky knowledge. It’s intriguing and can spin the conversation in an educational yet entertaining direction.

  • “That Marie Antoinette never said ‘Let them eat cake.'”
  • “Spartans used to eat black soup.”
  • “The Great Wall of China isn’t visible from space.”

Tech-Savvy Responses

“I know how to turn it off and on again.”

In the digital age, a tech-savvy joke never gets old. This reference to the ultimate IT advice is funny and somewhat truthful, winning you points for relatability.

  • “How to clear my browser history.”
  • “All the cheat codes.”
  • “That the internet is made up of cats.”

“I can code in my sleep.”

Whether or not it’s true, claiming tech wizardry can be quite funny. It’s far-fetched enough to be humorous, but not so outlandish that it’s unbelievable.

  • “That Wi-Fi stands for Wireless Fidelity.”
  • “HTML is not a disease.”
  • “I speak fluent binary.”

How to Reply to a Girl

Responding to a girl, especially one you want to impress or entertain, requires a bit more finesse. You want to come across as smart but not cocky, funny but not goofy. Tailoring your response with a touch of charm and wit can work wonders.

“Did I ever tell you I know how to cook a perfect lasagna?”

This reply does a beautiful job of mixing practicality with humor. Cooking knowledge is always a plus, and lasagna? Everybody loves lasagna. It’s engaging and hints that there’s more to you than just banter.

  • “I know that you have great taste in people.”
  • “Apart from knowing how wonderful you’re looking today?”
  • “I know where to find the best coffee in town.”
  • “Just the secret to having a good time.”
  • “That smile of yours could light up a room.”
  • “I know a place that makes the best tacos.”
  • “Enough to realize talking to you is the highlight of my day.”
  • “Well, I do know your laugh is contagious.”
  • “That life is better with a little bit of humor.”
  • “How to make you laugh, apparently.”

How to Reply to a Guy

Guys often appreciate humor that’s straightforward and a little cheeky. Nothing too over the top, but just enough to show you’re quick on your feet.

“I know that if you leave pizza in the fridge, it becomes breakfast.”

Food is the way to many hearts, and who doesn’t appreciate a solid pizza quip? It’s funny, relatable, and makes you seem like the fun, laid-back person you are.

  • “That five minutes is never really five minutes.”
  • “How to grill the perfect steak.”
  • “That sports stats you can’t remember don’t exist.”
  • “That pizza is never a bad idea.”
  • “How to fix a leaky faucet—kidding, that’s Google’s job.”
  • “That funny memes can cure almost anything.”
  • “Never to challenge you to a game you love.”
  • “Mystery meats aren’t necessarily mysterious.”
  • “That bacon makes everything better.”
  • “That you’re always up for an adventure.”

Responding to Family and Friends

Engaging with family and friends presents an opportunity to be a bit more relaxed and personal. They already know you, so you can get away with responses that are both affectionate and slightly teasing.

“I know you love me.”

Nothing like throwing in a touch of sentimentality to keep things light-hearted but meaningful. It shows you care but still keeps the humor alive.

  • “That mom doesn’t appreciate ‘your face’ as an answer.”
  • “How to stay out of trouble—most of the time.”
  • “That dad’s jokes are the best kind of cringe.”
  • “Who ate the last slice of cake.”
  • “I know where your secret candy stash is.”
  • “That we make the best team.”
  • “That family dinners are prime gossip time.”
  • “The Wi-Fi password.”
  • “Which one of us is the favorite—wink, wink.”
  • “I know we’ve got the best inside jokes.”

Responding at Work

The workplace environment calls for a balance of professionalism and light-heartedness. You want to be seen as approachable and fun without stepping over any boundaries.

“I know where to find the best coffee in the office.”

Practical, with just a hint of ulterior motives, this kind of response makes you the go-to person without being overbearing.

  • “Who makes the best spreadsheets.”
  • “What time the meeting starts—or doesn’t.”
  • “That dressing casually still means wearing pants.”
  • “The printer’s quirks.”
  • “How to make deadlines not feel like death sentences.”
  • “Which snacks vanish fastest.”
  • “The boss’s favorite catchphrases.”
  • “Where the good pens disappear to.”
  • “That the cafeteria’s ‘special’ is always questionable.”
  • “How to make this place less dull.”

Things to Keep in Mind

Going forward, remember this: humor is subjective. What works for one person might not work for another, and that’s perfectly okay. Keep your audience in mind, and always be ready to adjust your response based on the vibe and comfort level of the person you’re talking to. Above all, be yourself. Authenticity mixed with a dash of wit is your best recipe for nailing that perfect funny response to “What do you know?”

Humor connects us, lightens the conversation, and sometimes even makes the mundane a bit more bearable. So, next time someone seeks an answer to the ubiquitous question, you’ll be armed with replies that are clever, fun, and bound to leave an impression. Happy conversing!