Best Responses to ‘Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It’

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Sarah Koch


So, there you are, minding your own business, having a decent conversation, when out of the blue, someone hits you with the dreaded phrase: “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

First of all, what does that even mean? Are we supposed to whip out a Sherlock Holmes-style pipe and start puffing away?

Well, no. This phrase is generally thrown around when someone wants to rub a point in your face or emphasize a victory in a pretty cheeky manner.

It’s like they’re throwing down a verbal gauntlet—and how do you respond to such a gauntlet? Duck and cover, or come back swinging? Don’t worry; we’ve got you covered!

Humorous Responses

“Careful, you’re gonna need a bigger pipe!”

Okay, a bit of humor never hurt anyone, right? This cheeky comeback takes the sting out of their statement and shows you’ve got a sense of humor about the whole thing. Plus, it shifts the focus back onto them.

Example Replies:
– “Careful, you’re gonna need a bigger pipe!”
– “Sweet, I’ve been looking for an excuse to buy a fancy new pipe!”
– “Oh, is that a challenge? I accept!”

Witty Responses

“Well, aren’t you a regular Oscar Wilde?”

You can go for something a bit intellectual here. Who doesn’t want to be compared to one of the wittiest writers in history? It’s a subtle way to compliment while also deflecting their jab.

Example Replies:
– “Well, aren’t you a regular Oscar Wilde?”
– “Bravo, but you still have to work on your delivery.”
– “Ah, the Wildean wit. Color me impressed.”

Sarcastic Responses

“I’ll get right on that… never.”

Sometimes, sarcasm is your best friend. This shows that you are not affected by their comment and can easily throw it back at them without losing your cool.

Example Replies:
– “Oh, absolutely. Right after I finish all these other imaginary tasks.”
– “I’ll get right on that… never.”
– “Totally. Just let me find my imaginary pipe.”

Classy Responses

“Duly noted.”

Sometimes, grace under fire is the way to go. This response shows that you acknowledge their comment but aren’t going to stoop to a childish exchange.

Example Replies:
– “Duly noted.”
– “Point taken.”
– “Interesting perspective.”

Deflective Responses

“Is that your best material?”

Sometimes it’s all about redirecting the focus. This response questions their creativity, implying that they could do better (if they dare).

Example Replies:
– “Is that your best material?”
– “Come on, you’re more original than that!”
– “Surely you can do better.”

Playful Responses

“I’ll put it right next to ‘dream on.'”

Playfulness can keep the mood light and fun, showing that you’re not taking their comment seriously and you’re game for a bit of banter.

Example Replies:
– “I’ll put it right next to ‘dream on.'”
– “Will do! Right after I finish smoking ‘as if.'”
– “And I’ll hang it beside ‘in your dreams.’”

Honest Responses

“I disagree, but we’re still friends, right?”

Honesty is disarming. Sometimes a straightforward and sincere response is both unexpected and powerful.

Example Replies:
– “I disagree, but we’re still friends, right?”
– “Valid point, but here’s my take…”
– “I hear you, but I see it differently.”

Smart Responses

“Interesting. Got more clichés where that came from?”

Leveling up with a smart-ass reply can stop the other party in their tracks. It’s a clever way of warding off the comment without being overly rude.

Example Replies:
– “Interesting. Got more clichés where that came from?”
– “Originality must not be your strong suit.”
– “Classic, got any more?”

Reflective Responses

“What makes you say that?”

This response turns the statement back on them, prompting them to reflect on why they made the comment in the first place. It’s a power move that often leads to a deeper conversation.

Example Replies:
– “What makes you say that?”
– “Why do you feel that way?”
– “Care to elaborate?”

Curious Responses

“Are you challenging me to a metaphorical duel?”

Why not get whimsical with it? This type of response shows you’re curious about their intention and puts a spin on the conversation.

Example Replies:
– “Are you challenging me to a metaphorical duel?”
– “Is this a test? Because I aced my exams.”
– “Whoa, are we in a Western now?”

How to Reply to a Girl

Chatting with someone you’re interested in? Responses should combine sensitivity and charm.

“Well, if you’re the one handing out pipes, I’ll take mine in gold, please.”

This adds both a touch of humor and flattery to your reply, keeping things light-hearted and fun.

Example Replies:
– “Well, if you’re the one handing out pipes, I’ll take mine in gold, please.”
– “Only if you join me for the first puff.”
– “How about I smoke it if you promise to do the same?”
– “Is this your way of asking to hang out more?”
– “I’ll consider it if you throw in a cup of coffee.”
– “Deal! Only if we make it a date.”
– “Whoa, that was sharp! Did you learn that from me?”
– “Okay, but you have to share your secrets too!”
– “Is that your way of saying I’m interesting?”
– “A witticism from you? I must be special.”

How to Reply to a Guy

Guys often engage in banter and playful combativeness. Responding with similar energy can make the conversation lively and fun.

“Guess I’ll need an entire tobacco field then!”

Keep it funny but congruent with the guy’s style, showing you’re up for a spirited repartee.

Example Replies:
– “Guess I’ll need an entire tobacco field then!”
– “Ha! Bring it on.”
– “You know, I think I’ll need a bigger pipe.”
– “Cool phrase, mind if I borrow it?”
– “Challenge accepted. When do we start?”
– “Oh yeah? And what should I smoke next?”
– “You’re really proud of that one, aren’t you?”
– “Nice one. Got more?”
– “Sure, right after I moonwalk to Mars.”
– “Better than ‘put that in your sock and launch it.'”

Why Context Matters

Understand the Setting

Whenever someone throws “Put that in your pipe and smoke it” your way, context is key. Knowing the setting and the relationship you have with the other person informs the type of response that will go over best.

For example, a sarcastic reply might be perfectly acceptable with close friends but could come off as disrespectful in a professional setting.

Subtext and Intentions

Deducing the Underlying Message

What’s the underlying message of “Put that in your pipe and smoke it”? Usually, it’s a way for someone to feel superior or to accentuate their point.

Recognizing their intention can help you decide how to answer. Do you want to challenge their authority, or is it better to let it slide?

Keeping It Light

The Art of Diffusion

Not every comment needs a comeback. Sometimes, letting it roll off your back can be the most powerful response of all. You don’t always have to join in the verbal ping-pong.

Example moving-on statements:
– “Alright, moving on.”
– “Cool, what else?”
– “So, what’s next?”

Handling Repeat Offenders

Standing Up for Yourself

If the same person keeps throwing this phrase at you, it might be time to address it head-on. Calmly and assertively tell them how it makes you feel. They might not even be aware of its impact.

Example Replies:
– “You know, that phrase gets old; let’s try something new.”
– “I get your point, but let’s keep it constructive.”
– “It’s funny once, but let’s move on.”

Practicing Empathy

Seeing Their Side

Sometimes people lash out with phrases like “Put that in your pipe and smoke it” because they’re feeling insecure or defensive. Seeing their side can help you react with empathy rather than irritation.

Example Empathetic Replies:
– “Sounds like you’re really passionate about this.”
– “I appreciate how strongly you feel!”
– “I see why this matters to you.”

At the end of the day, how you respond to a taunt like “Put that in your pipe and smoke it” says a lot about your character. Whether you choose humor, sarcasm, wit, or honesty, remember that your reply should align with who you are and what you stand for.

Stay true to yourself, equip your verbal arsenal with a range of responses, and you’ll handle these situations like a pro every time.

So, my dear reader, next time someone tells you to “Put that in your pipe and smoke it,” you’ll be more than ready to respond with confidence, style, and perhaps a sprinkle of sass. Happy conversing!